


Vicious and romantic

by Reikah



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2011-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-01 04:35:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18793102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reikah/pseuds/Reikah
Summary: Five times Kurogane never kissed Fai, and one time Fai kissed him.He felt dizzy and drained, as he did after a long battle when the adrenaline was gone and his brain seemed clumsy and slow to process information.





	Vicious and romantic

**one**

The lights were on by the time he and Syaoran returned to the cafe, albeit turned down low. Both of them were dragging their steps, Kurogane rather less than Syaoran; the _oni_ tonight had been middling, but there had been a great deal of them and weariness was present in both their movements. Syaoran had blocked a blow with an arm he was already starting to favor, the skin bruising dark and heavy, and he moved with the tired listlessness of the young, too stubborn to know his own limits. Kurogane held the door open for him, and he tripped on the threshold, which told Kurogane all he really needed to know. 

"Kurogane-san," Syaoran started to say as he swung the door closed.

"You should go to bed," Kurogane said, curtly. "Don't let the princess see that bruise."

It was a testament to how far Syaoran had pushed himself that he merely nodded, and Kurogane allowed the corner of his mouth to curve up, a slash of a smile. "You didn't do badly today. Get some rest. More tomorrow."

"Okay," Syaoran said, with a faint smile, and Kurogane watched him head slowly up the stairs as he began pulling off his gloves. There had been a bottle of sake that looked quite tempting behind the bar before they'd set out, and he intended to try some before he took himself off to his futon. He himself had taken a shallow gash along the meat of his upper arm he'd concealed from Syaoran; it wasn't good for the student to realize the master could be wounded just yet.

He tossed his gloves onto the counter and leaned over the bar, looking for the telltale label. He found where the damnable mage had left the glasses fairly quickly, along with the other drinks, including one that contained a clear amber liquid that smelled like disinfectant when he undid the cork, but he couldn't see the sake, and he was moving some red wine bottles aside to check behind them when he heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Kid," he began to say, and then stopped. It didn't sound like Syaoran's step, and he pulled his head out from under the bar to see the mage standing on the stairs looking down at him, arms folded on the banister and his typically obfuscating smirk on his face. "It's you," Kurogane said, rather ungracefully.

"Yep," Fai said. He didn't sound as exuberant as usual, and his hair was mussed slightly, but his grin was lazy and self-satisfied. "Welcome back, Kuro-tan."

"Shut up," Kurogane growled, and deliberately turned his back on the mage to continue moving the bottles.

"Big doggy is so _mean_! He doesn't even appreciate the sake I left out for him and Syaoran-kun on the coffee table," Fai said, cheerfully, and Kurogane put the bottle of vodka in his hand back where he found it with a sigh. 

"It's pronounced sak _e_ ," he said, already heading for the little couch and the coffee table in front of it with, yes, a bottle of amazake and two cups lying next to it. The cups were those strange bulbous things made of glass with long stems the mage seemed used to, rather than traditional sake cups, but at this time of night he didn't really care.

The creak of the stairs announced Fai's final descent as he threw himself into the center of the couch and reached for the bottle, and the mage himself perched on the arm of the sofa nearest the stairs. "If Kuro-grumpy doesn't mind," Fai said, "since he's incapable of closing a door without waking people up, I'd like to try this type. It's the drink of Kuro-rin's home world, isn't it?"

"Kurogane," he corrected, and sloshed a generous measure of the liquid into a glass, which he handed to the mage without looking at him. Fai took it carefully, his long fingers brushing against Kurogane's for the merest fraction of a second. Kurogane filled the second glass, put the empty bottle on the table, and sat back with a sigh. The sake smelled wonderful, and when he took a sip it tasted wonderful too, sweet and right on his tongue. He drained his glass far too quickly for good manners, but when he looked over at Fai the mage was sniffing the contents of the glass with a somewhat uncertain look on his face. "Just drink it. It won't magically turn into something else if you look at it long enough," he said gruffly, and Fai smiled his idiotic smile, shrugged, and tipped it back.

"Sweet," he mused, and then, grinning, "I like it."

"Figured you would. It's not very strong. Need another?" The bottle probably ought to be drunk one way or another, and he could do with a few more glasses; his muscles were full of complaints for the frantic ducking and dodging he'd been doing only a half hour ago.

Fai licked his lips and held out his glass with a toothy smile, and Kurogane went to take it. As he did his sleeve moved, and matted to the cut in his forearm as it was, it opened the wound again; he couldn't entirely suppress the wince. "Kuro-puppy is hurt," Fai remarked, as though he were commenting on the weather.

"It's a scratch," Kurogane said. "It's nothing. Did you see Syaoran?"

"Yes."

"We're taking down bigger ones every night. They just keep coming, and nobody can say from where. Did you hear anything?"

"Not today," Fai said. He sighed, and shifted off the arm of the sofa until he was sharing it with Kurogane. He was skinny enough that even though Kurogane was sat in the very middle, he still had room to fit in. "Let me see," he said, and though Kurogane made a noise of protest, his blue eyes held a cool look that meant Kurogane didn't stop him from rolling up his sleeve with firm, fast fingers. 

The cut was long and shallow, on the underside of his upper arm where it was hard for Kurogane to see it. It had mostly scabbed over, he could tell by the lack of wet blood against his skin, but when Fai pushed his arm around into the light Kurogane could see the scab contained threads from his sleeve, black fluff embedded in the injury itself. Fai didn't say a word, just got up and went to the bar, returning with a towel and a small bowl of water, and dropped to his knees on the carpet next to the sofa. "Syaoran-kun will not be able to hide that bruise from Sakura-chan," Fai said, mildly, as he dipped the cloth into the water. "She will be upset to see it. And, I think, if she were to see big doggy with injuries too..."

"She won't," Kurogane growled as Fai pressed the cloth against his arm, sponging the injury clean with surprisingly deft, competent hands. In the dim half light Fai had to dip his head close to Kurogane's arm to see the wound, and as the excess water ran from the bathing site, goose-bumping his skin, Kurogane realized that he could feel the light, ticklish sweep of the mage's hair. The foolish friendly smile had faded from Fai's expression; he looked focused, intent, and his ministrations were gentle but firm. 

They were close enough that the exhale of Kurogane's breath stirred the strands of hair hanging down the front of his face, and when Kurogane realized that he tried not to breath out. It had to be gross, having someone's damp breath in your face. Fai frowned, slightly, his eyebrows drawing together, and then he smiled and sat back on his heels.

"Done," Fai said, putting the cloth back in the bowl. It released a surprisingly bright cloud of swirling red blood, and the water as a whole was pink within seconds. 

"... Thanks," Kurogane said, reluctantly. Something about Fai being so close unnerved him, although he couldn't put his finger quite on the reason why. Fai looked at him for a second, just a second, and Kurogane thought the mage looked as rattled as Kurogane felt before his face rearranged itself in his insipid, false smile.

"Big doggy is welcome!" Fai said, and Kurogane groaned.

"I'm going to bed," he said standing up, the amazake forgotten; and Fai grinned and waved, his features so airy and light that Kurogane could almost have imagined the expression he'd been wearing just then, the shadowed look of someone who had known loss and mourning.

Whatever, he thought. If the mage was keeping secrets it was hardly a concern of his. He turned and headed up the stairs without looking back.

**two**

Yama's camp was no different to any other army on the pause, between bouts of combat. At night, the war took up time and energy, but by day soldiers did chores, gambled, drunk and squabbled and yes, fucked.

It reminded Kurogane of the guardrooms back at Shirasagi, the boisterous revelry of men of action, stilled. In some ways it was comforting, the noise and chaos and smell, a thousand people with a thousand things to say. The first time a fight broke out in the mess tent Kurogane won thirty of the strange wooden markers these soldiers used as currency betting on the smaller participant, a wiry thin man who had a strength born of fury. He traded the marks in for a bar of genuine soap and a carving knife, a small nicked thing that took three hours to sharpen before he would take it near any wood.

Fai hated it here.

He didn't say anything, of course; he couldn't. Without the pork bun his ability to express himself was limited to body language, the chopping gesture of a hand, the quirk of an eyebrow. He did display a truly amazing ability to convey offensive gestures through the cultural gap, but otherwise, he spent most of his time when not actively fighting in the tent, just lying on his futon with his eyes closed, his breathing regular and controlled.

Kurogane went from wondering what he was doing, to wondering why he cared, to finally, inevitably, wondering what he could do to help within the first two weeks of their arrival. The mage had a fast mind, a clever mind, and this enforced stillness, the language-imposed solitude, was doing him no favours.

He started out by dragging the mage with him to the practice area, a roped-off segment of mud at the edge of the camp where warriors tested each other with blades. Fai's long knives had worked, to an extent, in Outo country but Kurogane did not like the thought of them on the battlefield; a weapon that worked by being disposed of was no weapon at all in a war, let alone the ferocious scrum that was the front lines, where the two of them could always be found. The other soldiers found Fai a fascinating creature, and several abandoned their sparring to come stare before Kurogane had even handed the wizard the first weapon to practice with. They talked, amidst themselves. Kurogane tried to shut them out but couldn't help overhearing a few comments.

"Is it a demon?"

"I heard it can work magic."

"Well, I heard it has blue eyes because it controls the sea."

Fai cast the growing crowd a quick, quizzical look. Some flinched away from him, and Kurogane growled as he placed the first weapon, a short curved sword, the blade padded but still heavy, in the wizard's hands. He'd left Souhi sheathed inside their tent, and he had another of the swords in his hands instead. It felt wrong, deformed, and he knew it'd mess with his movements, but that was fine. He wasn't fighting with it, not in a way that mattered.

He padded halfway down the field and took up a combat stance, his own sword at the ready. It was so small and light he could use it one-handed. Fai looked from the sword in his hands to Kurogane, and the crowd around them edged backwards; they had seen Kurogane in action by now, all of them, and nobody wanted to be near the hurricanes of fire and steel he could unleash.

Fai curled his fingers around the sword hilt and adopted a pose similar to Kurogane's, his blade held low and parallel to the ground, his weight on the balls of his feet. He had good balance, Kurogane noted, approvingly. Coupled with the hand-eye coordination he'd already shown with those throwing knives, he ought to be easy to train.

Without so much as a tensing of muscles to warn him, Kurogane charged. He flew across the ground between them, bringing his blade around as he ran and adjusting his balance and leaping up and then along, a signature move which when delivered with a _proper_ sword, like Souhi, would cleave most things in two. Even with this small runted practice weapon the sword whistled in at rib-height with enough speed and power behind it to deliver a bruising _smack_ to Fai's midsection... if he'd been there.

The wizard had moved inward, swinging perfectly within the range of Kurogane's jump, and when Kurogane checked his velocity was standing there calmly, a good five feet between them, still in that neutral defensive stance. His sword didn't even quiver.

Kurogane found himself grinning savagely, his lip curling back to reveal a sharp canine. Fai's eyes were lit with a subtle kind of amusement, a far cry from how dull and listless they had been barely an hour ago.

Kurogane lunged again, and Fai tensed as he approached; Kurogane jerked as if about to jump, but Fai didn't fall for his feint and their swords met. In this, Fai's quickness and balance was worthless; Kurogane merely wrenched the sword out of his hands, relying on heavier muscle and better footing. The crowd murmured behind them, but Kurogane ignored them, and from the way Fai's eyes were locked on his, Fai didn't even hear them.

"Good," Kurogane said, shortly, and gestured at the sword where it lay on the grass. "Again."

His tone must have carried his intent through, because Fai rolled his eyes but went and retrieved the sword. He slid back into the defensive stance and only watched with curiosity as Kurogane tucked his own sword under his arm and began correcting his grip, adjusting Fai's fingers on the hilt for more security. "Good," he said again, clearly, when he was finished, and then headed back up the field for the next round.

They fought three more rounds before they ran out of time, and by the end Fai was in much better condition than Kurogane would have suspected; hardly out of breath, and even his pale, smooth hands had held up with the rough bronze sword hilt. He'd given the mage several bruises, of course, including a huge shiner over his right eye that he was trying not to feel too guilty about. Bruises happened, when sparring. 

"Tomorrow we will try the bow," he told the mage as they stored their weapons, pointing to the sky and miming sleep, then pointing to the bow and quiver at the end of the weapons rack. Fai just sighed. His eyes were warm, though, and without thinking Kurogane reached forward and took the mage's chin in his hand, angling his face up to get a better look at the eye he'd hit, already beginning to swell. "Healer, first," he said, touching it with the back of his fingers.

Fai jerked his head out of Kurogane's grasp, and only then did Kurogane realise how close they were standing. His heart was pounding in his chest; a comedown, of course, from the excitement of fighting. Even a pretend battle could trigger adrenaline, that's all it was. Fai was looking at him with that wide-eyed, uncomfortable expression he wore in moments such as these, gaps in his cloud layer of false smiles, and Kurogane's tongue was dry in his mouth.

And then some others came over to the weapons rack, calling out to Kurogane in that ancient dialect they shared, and the moment was over; Fai blinked and the clouds rolled back over, smiles like thunderheads, heavy and blanketing.

Kurogane found he missed the open look.

**three**

Fai's blood had soaked into his clothing and it was gradually stiffening, itchy and unwelcome against his skin. Kurogane didn't move; he'd stood guard duty with worse than this and he dared not leave Fai's side. The mage was still unconscious, but given his childish, suicidal tendencies, Kurogane did not feel like leaving was wise until he'd woken up and Kurogane knew how he was going to play it.

His back burned, his shirt stuck uncomfortably to the mess, glued on with his blood. His wrist ached where he'd drawn the knife blade across it, and he kept it tucked against his chest underneath his folded arms. It didn't matter. It was a small price to pay; he'd taken greater injuries standing guard for Tomoyo, and Fai...

Fai didn't give a damn about his life, and Kurogane couldn't let him just throw it away. Not before he'd worked out what to do with it. As a... as a _friend_ , he owed it to Fai, not to let his stupidity allow him to end his own life before he'd finished living it. That was all. It infuriated him, it _enraged_ him, to see how quickly Fai had been willing to quit, the idiot. As though they wouldn't need him now more than ever, with this new Syaoran drifting around amidst the refugees awkwardly and the other one running around wreaking havoc with one bright blue eye that did not belong to him and would have to be returned.

Returning it would cure the vampirism, the witch said. Kurogane intended to, for Fai's sake; his transformation had looked agonizing and both Kamui and Subaru, although silent, had had these sorrowful expressions that said, without words: _he ain't seen nothing yet_. Truth be told he wasn't so keen on the being bled for food idea, either, but he would have paid so much more if it would have kept Fai here.

Syaoran's eye patch fitted over the gaping, empty socket so neatly it could have been made for Fai, instead. Kurogane had caught a look at the wound after Fai had finished seizing in agony, after the bandages had become unraveled and Fai had passed out on the sheets, and it made his chest buzz with a dull, roaring thunder he hadn't felt for a long while. The need for revenge was coiled in his limbs, and it annoyed him. The wound was not his. The revenge shouldn't be, either.

So why did he feel like the copied Syaoran had wronged him personally? His master, certainly; he wasn't immune to the way the real Syaoran hid the insignia on his robes, rubbing ash into them in attempt to disguise the shape, as though Kurogane did not know every inch of the design personally. But the copied Syaoran had been a colleague, a friend, to all three of them; more than that, perhaps, to the princess. And he, too, had cared; Kurogane remembered the tears on his face that night in the rain, after the princess had first spoken.

Perhaps he was angry on behalf of the Syaoran he had known and fought beside, whose life had been a lie, who had been nothing but a toy to this mysterious man with the strange symbol. Perhaps he was angry on behalf of Sakura, who had loved the boy plain as daylight. Perhaps he was angry for himself, angry at the loss of a promising student, a person he had cared about and should have protected.

But if he were honest, he had to admit he was mostly angry on behalf of the mage, who had been beginning, just a little, to thaw at the edges, and who would now no doubt snap back to blankness and obfuscation; who had begun to reveal his secrets, and would now hide them. 

Something fluttered in his chest, a strange, new feeling linked irrevocably to the pale figure lying limp on the bed, the blocky bulk of the eye patch interrupting the clean lines of his face. Kurogane had never felt it before, but he could guess what it was; Fai's presence burned murkily behind his ribs. This must be the hunger he had been warned of. Subaru had said he would know when Fai was thirsty.

He recalled the way Fai had looked, fresh from the transformation woes; that cold, cat-slit eye closing gradually, his fingers relaxing where he had been hanging onto the sheets so tightly. His skin had been icy under Kurogane's hands as he tied the eye patch into position, so different from the last, few, times he'd had his hands on Fai's form. Unable to resist he'd dragged his thumb over Fai's slack lips, peeling the top one back enough to see the wicked fangs lying there like a signpost, highlighting Fai's new condition.

Fai's lips had been soft, and for a moment,a fleeting moment, he had wanted... something. A kind of closeness, maybe, although he wasn't sure exactly what it was. Fai drove him crazy and acted like an idiot and got under his skin; he had a way of looking at Kurogane out of the corner of his eyes that made Kurogane feel odd, light-headed like he'd been bleeding. It wasn't right for him to be so cold and so still, only the feeble, shallow beat of his pulse there to prove that he was anything other than a corpse.

The curious sensation in his chest was changing in rhythm, speeding up, and Kurogane sighed. Fai was waking up. He wished he knew how it would end, but Fai had made his choice, stupid and foolish though it was. He hoped the wizard would forgive him. They were stuck together now, after all, in a circumstance Kurogane could not wish reversed.

Fai's eyelash fluttered and Kurogane could swear his heart skipped a beat. It was a feeling like none he'd known before, a knowledge, a certainty like something alive in his chest; a throbbing against his breastbone that was unmistakable. Fai was awake, and he was hungry; Kurogane could feel his hunger like a gnawing hollow in his stomach, an ache that he felt to his very bones. He wondered if Fai would accept food. He wondered if Fai could bring himself to be the one to ask. He looked away, out over the ruined world, his heart thudding in his chest and the strange echoing beat of Fai chasing it.

It was easier by far than facing that wild golden eye with its feral, vertical pupil, the frenzied, frightening thing Fai had been when the pain of the transformation had released him.

But he still didn't regret that choice.

**four**

Fai came to him for blood twice, in a strange world where criminals played games with the lives of man, and he could not have been unhappier about it. 

He hadn't eaten at all during the remainder of their stay in the sizzling ruins of Tokyo, as Sakura healed up from the wounds received during her quest. Three weeks and his weight had fallen from him as though it had been burnt off, and he had refused to look at Kurogane unless he had to, let alone talk to him.

Sakura came to the three of them within the second day of their arrival upon this strange and cruel world and asked, in the new, focused, determined manner she wore since she had returned with Yuuko's treasure, for their help. Syaoran had said yes immediately, Fai an echo after him, and Kurogane had agreed last, keeping one eye on the wizard as he did so.

He could feel Fai's hunger curling through him all the time, living this close to each other. He had tried to offer, of course, in Tokyo; Fai had looked right through him as though he were a ghost. The hunger wasn't a normal hunger. It was a wanting, needing, _devouring_ soul-hunger that writhed through the very marrow of Kurogane's bones and sat, aching, in his chest behind his lungs.

And still, Fai avoided him.

Kurogane guessed Fai was starving himself to punish him, and said nothing. Let Fai try - it was just a feeling. He kept his body well-fed and the echoes of Fai's hunger were distracting but not fatal. He kept offering Fai blood, offers ranging from the direct to the veiled; the children watched Fai wither with wide eyes.

It was the princess who convinced him, in the end. Kurogane didn't know how she did it. Practicalities, maybe; by the time she spoke with him Fai was so thin he could never have been any use in this "chess" tournament. Either way, Kurogane had been getting ready for bed when Fai slipped silently into the room, invisible to all but Kurogane's sharper fighting senses.

For a long time they simply stared at one another, and then Kurogane sighed deeply. "If you need it, just ask," he said. He wasn't sure yet how the feeding worked; Subaru and Kamui had not eaten in front of him. Would a cut suffice or was biting necessary? He slid his jacket off, in case, and sunk down to the couch; the air in the apartment was cold, and brought goosebumps up on his skin.

"I never asked," Fai replied icily. Kurogane didn't respond. He could feel the hunger inside Fai, and just set his elbows on his knees, watching the mage in silence, waiting for it to overwhelm him.

Fai came to him slowly, slinking across the carpet as though fighting sorcerous compulsion instead of biological need. He drew to a stop before Kurogane and then, reluctantly, stooped to his knees.

"I don't know how to do this," Kurogane said frankly. "What would be easier for you?"

The vampire looked up. His single eye was golden and the pupil was slit; there was colour in his skeletal cheeks. His hunger sang in Kurogane's bones, and with a short sharp nod, Kurogane leaned forward and to the side, exposing his bare neck to the wizard against every natural instinct.

Fai bit him with neither warning nor preparation. One moment there was cold air and the next Kurogane winced as the twin fangs pierced, punching through flesh and muscle efficiently and carelessly. The suction that followed was just as coolly impersonal; Fai drank like a starving man, gulping often and repeatedly, and sucked in a breath through his nose between every three swallows. His fingertips came up seemingly despite himself; his right hand brushed feather light over Kurogane's bicep, his left rested heavily on Kurogane's thigh, supporting his weight as he drank. Kurogane realized then that he had his hands on Fai's shoulders, clutching the mage tightly between his knees.

There was no magic glamor here. Kurogane received nothing from this, no euphoria. There was only the sound of Fai fulfilling his need, and the gradual ebbing of the cold pit of hunger he shared with Kurogane.

"Enough," Kurogane said quietly, and Fai withdrew instantly, his teeth sliding out. He did not move away, though, not immediately - Kurogane jumped as Fai's tongue flicked across the open and aching wound, and then a second time, licking up stray blood. "Enough," he said, again, and Fai drew back slowly; his cheek whispered across Kurogane's, their noses brushed for a second before Fai drew away. It felt frighteningly intimate, like standing in the practise field in Yama's army camp with Fai's face in his palm.

He felt dizzy and drained, as he did after a long battle when the adrenaline was gone and his brain seemed clumsy and slow to process information. Fai looked a hell of a lot healthier, he noted with approval; he had sat back on his heels and was licking his lips, his tongue very red. His face was still blank and indifferent, but his cheekbones and collarbones weren't almost sticking through his flesh, and the black clothes he wore didn't hang off him like a circus tent. He would be able to battle for the princess, now. 

"You feel less hungry," Kurogane said. His voice seemed thick and his tongue uncooperative.

"Yes," Fai replied, in a flat, monotone voice.

"It wasn't a question, idiot. I know how hungry you feel," Kurogane growled, and to his surprise Fai's eye widened. With an arm that felt overly heavy and weak, Kurogane touched his fingers to the center of his chest. "I felt it here. You know that."

"What? No!" Fai sounded dismayed, Fai was shaking his head in denial, and for the first time since he had become a vampire there was a minute thread of the real him showing, a hint of fear in his eye. "Why didn't you say something?"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow. "It wouldn't have mattered," he said, coolly. "would it?"

Fai said nothing. It was all the answer Kurogane needed.

"I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow. And Fai -" The vampire looked up at his name in surprise, his eye still lost, concerned - "If you need to eat, eat. You can't sit this out or lie to me."

"No," Fai murmered, more to himself than anyone else as Kurogane got unsteadily to his feet; "I can't, can I?" He bowed his head in silence, seemingly intend on studying his hands in his lap.

Kurogane left him to it, and his dreams that night were full of blood and the soft touch of Fai's cool, inhuman cheek to his.

**five**

He kept looking at Fai expecting to see the familiar blue, no matter how long it had been since Tokyo, and it was always a surprise to look and see the gold, the default colour now Fai had sold his magic. He wasn't sure what to make of it. It unnerved him, certainly, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel a flush of _something_ every time he saw that splash of colour, remembering the wry smile on Fai's face when he had said _I wouldn't trade my life anymore_.

It was a warm feeling, a good feeling, curiously at home in his chest; it was like what he felt when he looked at Tomoyo but on a different kind of scale, comparable only in that it made him feel stronger. When the time came to go to Clow, to put an end to the dark man's game once and for all, he had looked at the wizard and thought of him, for the first time, as a wholly reliable ally. 

Which was why it worried him that Fai had been acting odd during the whole repeated day, although admittedly there had been only a few hours of it. He'd gotten odder during the dinner; he kept sneaking thoughtful glances at Kurogane while he nursed his coffee in a manner that made Kurogane feel self-conscious, hunching down into his cloak. The damnable arm was hurting him and he hoped Fai wasn't due for another crisis. He had hoped that had been cured and forgotten with the end of the icy world Fai hailed from.

He kept his head down, focusing on his food, which was as good today as it had been the same day yesterday. He wondered if he really had eaten it; if it was reset at the end of the day was that the same as not eating? He had fed Fai yesterday, in the shadows of the room the three of them shared while Syaoran sat downstairs talking to their hosts, and he couldn't feel Fai's hunger as sharply as he had at the last meal they had eaten here, which would seem to indicate that things they consumed remained with them.

When the meal was over Fai volunteered to help their hosts with the dishes, smiling his disarmingly polite smile. Syaoran came back out to the table, still holding that apple tightly in his palm. "They don't know anything's wrong," he said, sounding frustrated. 

"This loop must reset sometime after midnight," Kurogane said slowly. "Can you think of anything that would trigger it?"

Syaoran shook his head, but Kurogane noticed how his grip on the apple tightened. There were memories here for the boy, he knew, memories of the princess and of himself that he had not divulged. Kurogane wondered how harmful they would be. Gods, he was _sick_ of secrets.

Their hostess emerged from the kitchen smiling sunnily; she held a set of blankets in her arms. Kurogane raised an eyebrow; this was new. Fai came out after her, drying his hands on the edge of his white tunic, and his expression was blank. Kurogane narrowed his eyes. "We only have one spare bedroom," she said, "but if Syaoran-kun doesn't mind, there is a spare bed in my son's room. You'll have to make it before you can sleep on it -"

"I can show you how!" her son said, excited. Syaoran blinked in confusion and looked at Fai, who smiled and tilted his head to one side.

"Sure," Syaoran said. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Kurogane made a fist under the table, seething quietly, as the woman handed the blankets to Fai and directed him to the room the three of them had shared last night. What was the mage playing at?

"Why did you send the kid to a different room than yesterday?" he asked, when they were alone, and Fai turned to him and smiled over his shoulder. It was an oddly suggestive smile, and Kurogane felt heat rise along his cheekbones even though he couldn't think what it might be suggestive of.

It didn't help when Fai casually walked up to him and shoved back his cloak, but by then Kurogane had realized what he was after and said nothing as Fai's pupil contracted, going vertical and vampiric as the junction between Kurogane's shoulder and mechanical arm became exposed to the air. The wound had bled some during the day, and Fai's thumb grazed the sensitive area as he pushed his cloak away. Despite that Kurogane knew the hungry look in Fai's eyes had nothing to do with the wet red substance on his thumb, and it didn't abate when Fai licked at it delicately, eyes still fixed on the wound.

Fai had paid for this arm with his magic, with that sky-blue colour that was a part of him since his birth, and Kurogane really did not want the vampire to know how it hurt. Fai had to trick it out of him, demanding the information in the name of knowledge of the circumstances, and then he, of all people, had the gall to clout Kurogane solidly upside the head, a solid _whomp_ he seemed to take satisfaction in. Kurogane rubbed his head and swore, hackles up.

"You should have said something if it hurt, moron," Fai replied triumphantly, his eye lit up with heat. "You can't hide something like that from people you're close to."

Kurogane digested this while Fai kept talking, and found the sheer hypocrisy of the statement brazen and irritating. "You're one to talk," he said, sharply, but Fai simply gave him that slow warm smile that was nothing like his earlier lying ones and was all the more precious for it.

"That's precisely why _I_ should be talking," he said, amused, and Kurogane sighed, acknowledging his point.

"It hurts," he said, and cut off Fai's protest before it could even start. "I've had worse. And we don't have time to worry about it, not now."

"Kuro-puu," Fai said, raising his fingers and brushing the skin with the tips. His touch was so light, but Kurogane found the wound was so sensitive, he reached out and grabbed the vampire's wrist and pulled his hand away.

"It's _fine_ ," he growled, and Fai frowned.

"I don't... isn't there anything...?"

"No," Kurogane said, leaning back on the bed. Fai's wrist flexed in his grip, and he was reminded of the deceptive strength in that thin, wiry body. The vampire took a step forward and tugged gently, and Fai was there, Fai was _right there_ , his eye glinting in the darkness, and Kurogane was filled suddenly with the knowledge that all he had to do was lean forward and... and it would be okay. Fai would be okay.

He shifted his hold on Fai's scrawny wrist and the vampire followed it, stepping even further into Kurogane's personal space. He smelled of spice and blood and old paper, and his eye was alert and keen, hungry for something Kurogane recognized easily but had been too afraid to name.

"Kuro-sama," the vampire said quietly, his breath a cool breeze on Kurogane's lips. The stars bleached his pale blond hair silver; he looked almost like a a figure of black and white in the darkness, and only the shining, unmistakable gold of his eye prevented him from being confused with a statue. Kurogane felt his heartbeat pick up, and this time knew better than to believe it adrenaline. 

Their mouths were about three inches apart when the world reset. The wave of magically enhanced exhaustion hit Kurogane like a fist to the side; he reeled with it, fighting it instinctively with everything he had, and as his vision blurred he saw Fai doing the same, teeth bared viciously and head turned away. _No_! he thought furiously as his eyelids lowered, thrashing as he did so but to no avail. The darkness of the room seemed to increase, the silver starlight failing, and he lurched slowly to the side.

He hit the blankets hard, Fai crumpling next to him, and before his eyes could close for the last time he reached out and caught a lock of Fai's hair in his hand. 

He opened his eyes to sunshine splashing through the window and a vampire stilled, sleeping six inches away. Fai's hair wasn't just in his hand; in his sleep he had contrived to twist it through his fingers, and it was coiled and tangled. Feeling embarrassed, he shook it free, and Fai's eye opened as he did so, blinking through his morning confusion before coming to rest on his. Kurogane swallowed, tried to imagine kissing the vampire now, in the cool light of day. It was no use; he hadn't the nerve, and from the way Fai's gaze flitted away from him neither had he. It would be too different, now, without the darkness and the intimacy born of the way Fai had looked at his wound. 

He growled, suppressed anger and something else, something thwarted, and got up.

**and a half**

The suite Kurogane was given in Clow castle was opulent, at a minimum. It had wide, open windows and a wonderful view of sunset over the desert; it had beautifully designed furniture, and a neatly engraved ceiling that kept Kurogane diverted for all five minutes.

"I'm fine," he said, not for the first time, and Fai rolled his eyes. He looked worse than Kurogane, long bandages wrapped over his face, and he was too pale; privately Kurogane thought it was unfair that he was being forced to rest when Fai wasn't, just because of his missing arm. 

The healer Sakura's brother had commanded merely pushed up his glasses and fixed Kurogane with a withering _look_ that managed to convey just how much he didn't care what Kurogane thought. "Three weeks," he said, shortly. Kurogane gaped at him while Fai began to laugh, an incongruously soft noise at odds with his battered face.

"I can't - it's not even like I just had the fucking thing cut off! What am I meant to do? If I'm stuck with this idiot I'll go mad," Kurogane protested, horrified. Fai had to turn away, a hand clamped over his mouth and his shoulders shaking, and somewhat petulantly Kurogane groped for the apple Sakura had left next to his bedside and threw it at the mage. It bounced off his shoulder, which made Kurogane growl; he had been aiming for the idiot's head. Maybe he had lost more blood than he thought.

"Three weeks," the healer said again, implacable. "I'll talk to the kitchens, you need more sugar to replace the blood you've lost. Until then, you stay here. I'll be telling the princess that, too," and Kurogane groaned, knowing now how sad Sakura would look if she found him wandering.

"You'll be out of here by day eight," Fai said after the man had gone. He had picked up the apple, and now placed it gently on the table next to the bed. "Kuro-tan was never the staying type."

"Shut up," Kurogane snarled. Fai chuckled quietly and took the seat the healer had vacated, pulling it closer to the bed, but didn't immediately respond. Kurogane scowled and lay back in the pillows, his eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling.

When Fai didn't talk after several minutes had passed, Kurogane marked it down as one of his rare victories and let his eyes drift shut; they had begun itching halfway through the healer's poking at his truncated shoulder. He was almost completely asleep when the wizard said in a small voice, "Kuro-sama?"

"What," he said, not opening his eyes. Fai didn't say anything, and frustrated, Kurogane turned his head to see the wizard watching him. He had one leg over the other, and his face was cupped in his hands. His blue eyes seemed intent on Kurogane's face. Alarmed now, Kurogane pushed himself to sit upright; his stomach muscles yelled at him, and several long cuts along his torso ached warningly. "What? Wizard," he said again, and Fai huffed out a breath through his nose.

"This," he said, his mouth curving into the most fascinating smile Kurogane had seen yet, one that carried to his eyes and made them spark, and before Kurogane could get over it, Fai had one knee on the bed, a hand on his chin, and was tilting his face around. For a split second his muscles tensed, instinctive response to another human in his space, and then he forced them to relax.

Fai kissed him. 

It was sloppy and eager, driven more by want then skill. Fai's lips were rough and chapped and though the vampirism had faded, lost with the gain of an eye, his canines were sharper than a human's should be and scraped over Kurogane's bottom lip. Kurogane found himself swaying, caught by surprise and yet heavy with want; he tried to lean over, to raise his hand to pull Fai closer, but he had forgotten his missing arm and when he leaned to his left he lost his balance, his mouth slipping free of Fai's and their foreheads colliding.

For a moment they stared at each other, Kurogane horrified that he had ruined this, ruined this that they had been building towards for so long, and then Fai grinned, his lips quirked and his teeth brilliantly white. "Shut up," Kurogane ordered, mortified, and Fai snorted in amusement and scooted off the chair and onto the bed proper. 

"Make me," he said as he inched closer, as immaturely as humanly possible, and Kurogane snarled and reached out with his hand, balancing himself with his chest against Fai's side, and ran his fingers through that pale blond hair, turning Fai's head towards him. Before he could change his mind he gently cupped the back of Fai's head, threading Fai's long hair through the gaps between his fingers, his palm following the curve of the wizard's skull, and pulled the wizard toward him again, directing his head with the pressure of his thumb. Fai _mmm_ d happily.

He forced some control into the kiss this time, biting Fai's lower lip sharply in warning when the wizard tried to hurry it along. Fai's mouth tasted of wine and honey; Kurogane ran his tongue over the tops of the wizard's bottom teeth, and then pushed it further in, touching it to the roof of Fai's mouth. Fai's hand on his chin tightened convulsively, and Kurogane realized the wizard's other hand was tangled in his shirt; Fai was leaning into him as he was leaning into Fai, both of them dependent on the other to keep them upright. 

Briefly he nuzzled their noses together, then used his hold on Fai's hair to tilt his head back, licking his way out of Fai's mouth and to the corner, and then down; a wet line that only ended at Fai's adam's apple. He planted a kiss there, for reasons he didn't understand; Fai's breath hitched and his fingers tightened their grip on Kurogane's shirt.

"I... wanted this," he murmured, into Fai's skin. His ear was close to Fai's mouth; he could hear the speed with which Fai breathed, feel the warm air.

"Me too," Fai said quietly, his words barely whispers, his lips tickling the shell of Kurogane's ear. Kurogane scraped his teeth over Fai's throat in memory of the time Fai had fed this way and Fai gasped, a breathy, shocked sound that made Kurogane growl happily, possessively. He licked his way up the underside of Fai's neck and bit his jaw, sharply; his skin was soft and velvety under his tongue, and Fai hitched in a breath. "Kuro-sama," he said, sounding dazed, and his cheeks were red and not with embarassment.

"I want you closer," Kurogane said quietly, and that seemed to bring Fai back to earth. He tipped his head back down, jaw sliding against Kurogane's cheek, until they were forehead to forehead.

"Okay," he said, and kissed Kurogane on the mouth again, a warm, chaste kiss that made Kurogane lean jerkily into him for more. He pulled away too soon and, keeping a careful hold on Kurogane's face and sleeve, closed that last half foot between them, sliding neatly into Kurogane's lap. His thighs were trembling. "Okay," he said again, his voice a little more controlled, and gave Kurogane a lightning fast nip on the tip of his nose, to which Kurogane flinched; it had never occured to me that his nose, of all things, could be a desireable area to be bitten. 

Fai raised his hands and slid both of them across Kurogane's cheeks, his cold fingers splayed out behind Kurogane's ears and his thumbs following the line of Kurogane's cheekbones. He was grinning, lazy and satisfied, and when he leaned forward to cross the gap between them Kurogane could feel his heart pounding. Fai's weight against his chest, the warmth of him, burning like a furnace; his eyes, flashing blue in the light from the big bay window - Kurogane wanted him more than their clothes would let them.

"Hey," he said, uncertainly. Fai nipped his bottom lip, drew it into his mouth and gave it a casual suck, and Kurogane swallowed shakily. His hand had, unbidden, found the back of Fai's shirt and now he slid it those last few inches, questing fingers finding the hot, smooth skin of Fai's back. Fai raised his head and grinned wolfishly, a flicker of canine and mischief.

"Kuro-wanton has a hunger now," he said, in a quiet, teasing tone, and Kurogane bared his teeth in silent indignation. Fai just laughed at him and darted forward to lay a brief kiss in the hollow of his jaw. When he broke off they were both breathing heavily; Fai sounded almost breathless. He reached for Kurogane's shirt and began pulling it over his head, his hands hurried and unthinking; Kurogane hissed as the shirt scraped over his wounded shoulder, flinching away. 

"Fuck," he snarled. It felt like the wound had opened again; the bandages felt cloying and slick. 

Fai said, miserably, "You're bleeding again."

"I know," Kurogane said tightly.

Fai groaned and gently lowered the shirt back into place. "I'm sorry," he said, and would have said more if Kurogane hadn't interrupted him, lunging forward to shut him up with another quick, short kiss.

"Don't," Kurogane said, quickly, when they parted. "It's fine. Just. Not now, I guess." He sighed heavily. "I hate being injured," he added, and Fai's warm snort of laughter was much better than the guilty tone he had been using.

"Well, the healer did say three weeks. If Kuro-bored can manage to be patient for that long..." Fai raised an eyebrow.

"Eight days," Kurogane reminded him, and Fai grinned.

"You'd better," he said, and kissed Kurogane's forehead. "You should start now."

Kurogane huffed out a breath, grumpily, and threw back the covers. Fai writhed over to the edge of the bed, and Kurogane was struck, suddenly, by an urge. "Stay here," he said, and could have bitten his own tongue when Fai looked back at him over his shoulder, incredulous. He plunged ahead, determined. "Stay here. With me. Please."

It turned out when Fai smiled, _really_ smiled, he dimpled.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2011 on livejournal, uploaded to AO3 in 2019 as part of an ongoing effort to bring all my fic together. Hi anyone who made it this far!


End file.
